Personnel file
Five men. One manager who never agreed to it. All of them think they’re the hero.
Lead guitar
Shop foreman at Dutch's and self-appointed leader. Plays solos with a socket wrench as a slide and believes the band would be famous by now if anyone else practiced. Nobody has asked whether he does.
Rhythm guitar
Rebuilds carburetors the way he plays rhythm: loud, leaky, and over-tightened. Owns eleven pairs of aviators and rotates them by mood. Nobody has ever seen his eyes.
Drums
Drives the butcher's delivery truck the band keeps "borrowing". Drums with lug wrenches, eats during songs, and is banned from three all-you-can-eat buffets and one Viking afterlife. Wears the butcher's apron because nobody has asked for it back.
Keys / synth
The only member who has read a book (half of Beowulf, in a waiting room). Insists every song title sound like Old English poetry. Knows the combination to Dutch's safe. Nobody gave it to him.
Bass
Ex-trucker. Has said nine words since 1984: "turn it up," three times. Tunes his bass the way he changes a tire: by feel, on the shoulder, in the rain. Under the shirt: a full yakuza bodysuit. Nobody knows when, or how.
Manager (allegedly)
Owns Dutch's Muffler & Brake. Never agreed to manage the band; they simply never left Bay 3. Bills them monthly for "noise and fumes".